So, of course you all know that I write for my universities newspaper, the Duster Today. Well, I (finally!) got to write an opinion piece. Here is the final product.....
Me and God
By Jordan Williams, Staff Writer
November 15, 2006printable version
This essay does not necessarily represent the opinions of the DusterToday staff and/or those of Lubbock Christian University, but those of the writer.
I am still fairly new to Lubbock Christian University. This only being my second semester on this wonderful campus has opened my eyes to the wonders anew. Since coming to LCU I have changed my major twice, and five times since being in college. Currently, I am a secondary education major, but doubts still remain. I mean, this is something that I will be doing for the rest of my life. Is this really what I want to do? I am sitting in a cloud of self-doubt and I hate that feeling. When I graduate, probably in 2016, I want to leave here full of confidence and strength. So how come I am not feeling this now?
My spiritual journey has had its ups and downs, and thankfully more ups. I have gone through more hardships and trials in the last two years of my life than most people go through in a lifetime. Suffice it to say, I have not always made God my number one priority. I found that when times got harder, the harder my heart became. It was much easier to push Him away; and still he stood there patiently awaiting my return.
Last summer I had the privilege to go to Japan for six weeks for a mission trip. What an eye opening experience. For six weeks I served others in His name. I did nothing for Jordan Williams, but all for The Man. It was truly wonderful. Those six weeks were definitely a spiritual high for me, and it was a glorious feeling.
When I returned to America, I was changed, and not for the better. The smallest things annoyed me, things that had never bothered me before. I found out just how truly selfish and needy we as Americans are. We all have fallen into this terrible grasp of others serving us. I began to hate the person that I was. I hated being an American. I began a slow spiral downward that soon reached the pits of my soul. Nothing could be found there. How could I go from such an amazing high, to the lowest of lows so quickly?
I soon fell into another spiritual low. In my young 20 years I have hit two major spiritual lows. The first low came when my best friend, my confidant, my brother, passed away, and the other low came when I returned from Japan. I threw God away both times. I began to feel empty. Something was missing in my life, and I needed it back. After several months of struggling, I have finally found it.
I began to realize that we as Christians have to constantly defend our faith. While I was in Japan I was showered with love and kindness, but having to live in a world where the population is not Christian, made me realize how blessed we are. As Americans we can walk the streets holding our Bible and not get persecuted for it. We can put that fish on our car and not fear for our lives when we drive away. We can wear a simple cross around our neck and have people understand what it stands for. However, when we speak openly about our faith, and about our God, we get laughed at. In Japan, Christianity is not the norm, so the few Christians there get ridiculed and abused. Though that is not the extreme here, we have, however, begun to slowly push God aside.
I believe that it is no longer “cool” to be a Christian. I, for one, am not ashamed of who I am, for I have never been “cool”. I’m not saying that we need to defend Christianity by trying to make it a popular thing to do, but my generation needs to do something. Recognizing this has brought me back to a spiritual high. Now, I want to share the Word for all to hear. I am reborn in the Spirit. Right now, in this moment, I am happy. Right now, it is just me and God.
God never left me. I left Him. I was the one who walked away. I blamed Him for the hardships in my life and He never once backed away. He waited for me with outstretched arms. He knew that I would return, and I have. Being a born-again Christian has made me relish and savor my time with my God. What a glorious and marvelous feeling it is to have God back in control. So, right now it is me and God, and that is all that I need in my life. Sure, the self-doubt might remain, but that is God showing me He loves me. He puts doubt and hardships in our life to see how we can handle it. He does that so we have to lean on Him, and He loves it when we do.